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Showing posts from June, 2013

你让我学会

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这我必须打中文。昨天和丽珍姐,秀莹姐见了个面。很久没用华语说话,感觉自己华语变烂了。最近不是在说广东就英文。感觉自己好像英文还没拉上一级,华语就在往下掉了。曾经希望自己的英文有华语那般好。中学初期英文特烂,还曾幻想宁愿自己不懂中文来换顶级英语掌握能力。过了些年的现在,我会因自己的华语退步而羞耻。原来现在的我比以前更懂得珍惜我的母语。和姐们出来聚,听闻了很多。我边听边想,她们口中的人事,和我自己的比较,也和我自己比较。渐渐地发现更多自己的不足。啊是的,每个人都有不开心的权利。不过我们不应该总是埋怨身边的一切一切。负能量的确不好。人云亦云并不好。自命不凡也不应该。我也许不得体大方,但我至少希望自己是个真的人。突然间,我觉得每件事和每个人都不是我表面看和听闻的一样,至少没人有权利在对事物一知半解的情况下就作出太多的批评。我的不足有太多。我应该学习的有很多。很多事情要去真正的了解是需要费很多的功夫的。但当了解后可能自己的整个世界就会变得不一样。很久前有人和我说过的一番话,多年后再从别人口中听见,的不同。是我后来才明白了。如果你的知识还不够,拼命的思考和书写也是枉然。你知道的很多,但是你并不了解。要不然你也不会,在别人问一个问题的时候给别人好几个答案。以不变应完变。别人问问题,我们回复选择题。我总算在别人的身上看出自己的毛病。从别人的口中听到了自己。谢谢。

If the trouble is just you

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I changed the design of my blog a little. And I feel so content.

The change is free of charge and I love it damn much. Especially the new front I have chosen.

The thing is I may get bored of this design someday and change it to the other form. But I like it now. At least I understand my preference changes rapidly then I accepted this part of me.

Last night, usually it happened at night. Before I fall asleep and I was physically lying on my bed. Many thoughts came to my brain. Sometimes it is the past than surprisingly revive or it is the new thoughts or discovery of my life.

I think the new school is not perfect, which is the truth. But at the same time I'm hiding from things.

Since I had changed my course from UKT to UOL. I have to done a lot of administrative change before it is really done.

I'm afraid when the staffs just showed their unpleasant mood to me cause I have to bother them so many times and for so long.

Then the lecturers don't like me so much cause they thin…

Gifted

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If I were to say, I'm so talented. It is equally to self slapping on my face.

One part of me think I'm somehow talented. Another part of me reminded myself of all the clumsy moment I ever acted and the scene of me screwing all the things but, innocently.

I'm only good at writing stories in Mandarin.

I'm not sure if anyone has it. But I think the truth is not.

The world is fair. Like some people has excellent calculation skill. The digits and all the equations can jut solve inside their brain.


For me, the words I'm going to write will just flow out from my mind. It is like when I'm simply talking and if I make the talk of my mind be an essay, sometimes it will easily end up to be a nice story that I like.

At least I'm someone blessed with something.

P/s: Take care to my heart and brain, perhaps my soul too.

The invitation

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Last night before I could fall asleep on my bed, I felt empty inside.

I know why, I saw it on facebook. Their happy pictures and tonnes of lovely comments.

Well, this friends were my friends in hostel when I was a student of Tarc. I guess we're still friend, just less close.


They and my ex roommate discussed on the trip to Penang long time ago. They expect her to inform me the pan but she failed to do it.

I find it hard to create any reasonable excuse for her. At the end it was one of the friend accidentally told me while she thoughts I should have know it for long.

I can see the trip is fun. But I don't feel good seeing it.

I know even if she or they do ask, I'm not going. Lack of financial support. They spent their days in hotel, I'm not sure their mention for 5 stars is being real or mere joking.

I know them, richer than me and style of spending money is different from me. Perhaps our standard of viewing things are more likely different.

So I asked myself, why do yo…

Double and large

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I'm someone lack of persistency.I look into the mirror,this is what I had been trying to afraid for long.Seriously I had gained  larger a size among these days.I don't feel I eat too much.I feel like I'm having my normal life.The mirror asked me the face the truth. Or I will have to switch off the light and go sleep.Traditionally I noticed many problems waiting to be solve in life and pretended they're never there.I can't explain,I'm just having the lazy mood to deal with things and get especially frustrated when people are trying to force me to look at the problem and deal with it.I consider myself as a occasionally malfunctioning automatically machine and self rejecting manually pushing of program running.Now mirror and camera are only prepared to give their silent speech not to alert but to tease me deeply...So yea,I admitted it is the damn truth. Although I suspect it's because the metabolism of my body tend to slow down because I walked less than I did…

How I feel

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Sometimes we have been put on a weird position.We can explain if people never ask. It seems only like giving excuses or desperately finding someone to explain a misunderstanding when people don't even ask about it.And sometimes even when people ask,you may not know how to tell.Perhaps the adjectives I learn to describe how I feel happen ro be too limited.At the end,do you care how they feel about you?I care and I often acted like I don't and most of the time I'm just trying to be myself.It sounds weird that people are trying hard to just be themselves and to do it is never an easy task.

Challenges

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Because we're still young,so we have so many things to chase after.We have time and energy. We have the valuable and priceless assets to assist us in accomplish our dreams.If we don't believe we can do it now, it will be harder for us to do it when we're older and too old for our dreams.Sometimes,my memory remind me of Krisna,his words.He said we're the survivors,we take what is thrown to us and survive from that.Mun is overcoming the maths. Min is fighting for the assignments.I'm fighting with my memorising capacity and understanding on legal terminology and questions.I don't know if I must born to be a lawyer,but I should be doing my best.Life never give you all you ever wanted. We have to practise,to use what we have thab to dream of what we should have.Good night my dear friends and myself.

Fairy Tale

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They said, kids believe in fairy tales. The tiny humans are the only living creature that will believe in fairy tale. They are the group of people with unlimited hope and capacity.

When I was a kid, I never believe in fairy tale. Never believe there will be such thing as the prince and the princess could live their lives happy and ever after.

I don't know why, maybe because I watched quite a lot of realistic HK drama series at the same time.

I love Disney land cartoons, especially those fairy tales, by knowing this kind of things don't just happen in reality easily, or they can never come true.

There is always this thing, when I say I really like that actor. Someone will say, then marry him. I like him doesn't mean I want to stay with him for the rest of my life or something similar to that. If I like or admire someone which is a girl, it doesn't mean I must make myself to be the another her.

Like or even love something or someone doesn't mean I must owe it or keep…

True or dare

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I think the first one is being true. Our entire life is a process of learning. The world is our battlefield.

And why feel sad and cry when I died one day. It will happens to everyone on earth and I finally make it, I graduated from it.
Nothing much to say, this is what I want to say.

Balloons

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I suddenly wanted to look for many pretty balloon pictures. And that link me to some other things too.

I changed my mind. Public and criminal law is hard for me. It is too time consuming and I do not have too much time on hand.



I decided to study ELS and contract and finish them instead, if I can do that.

Let's start from the easier and basic. Perhaps I can slowly adopt my new life and the tiny changes I start to recover of their existence.


Only today I realise, I not yet get use to the class without power point presentation. Now I recall, this is the difference of the me in Tarc and me in Bac. The difference of what I have and how I feel about it.

I have too much of weird thoughts of changing me or other things in the mean while. I think, without my conscious being realise, I have change a little bit, day by day from the me lived in the past.

We move on everyday, in our life, from our past. Even if not for the sake of running away from horrible memories, heavy sadness and deep fr…

I was, We were

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The greatest news of today is, my period has finally happened. It has been late for at least a month. I was worried.

I mind less if it means I will have a  low chance to get pregnant.



I care if the menstrual cycle disorder would  imbalance my hormone subsequent lead to the unnecessary complications which will effectively affect my health so badly.

Here it is, the bleeding. So I'm not worried for this month.

I feel extraordinary tired and weak yesterday and today. Not sure if it will be the same for tomorrow. It feels like there is a monster hiding inside my body and suck most of my energy.

Never mind. Today I recalled my memories in Tarc. I realise I'm not a hard working student. At least not in the lecture. While business lecture, I do not copy all the notes. I do not copy them all the time. I only note what I found interest on.

And the economic notes is the same, her notes are so perfect. Ms Khor is so good in making those notes but I do not why, I always draw the wrong grap…

The little thing inside

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I have to thank Disney million times for creating those amazing songs and animation to grow with me. My childhood are full with the sweet, priceless memories.

I can only study at night. The weather is too hot.

Tonight, there is only my brother and I at home. Father has to undergo a series of body check on hospital tomorrow, it's better for him to stay over night at ward. Mum has to take care of her. Tonight she only gets to sleep on the chair.

Try imagine the possible suffering bear by the family members of a long term patient especially at terminal stage of some terrible disease.

Night should be time to sleep.

Today, I personally realise, I should start to take care of my skin. I'm 20 to be. Whatever....

And exercise is good. If I could wake up earlier on tomorrow so I can jog with my dog. I'm always prepared of its MIA symptom. His girl friend abandon him. I don't know how, so it is back.

Dog has many things are so much alike to humans. We called them loyal friends …

GIF

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Gif is a sort of image format. It is a form of language that the computer world recognised.

At first, I was searching for my new facebook profile picture.

Forget it.