How to be

Feeling bad

I feel bad now. I am going to tell you why.

It is about my attachment allowance. The boss promised me RM 400.

I waited for a month and have not been request of the bank account number. I called for the update, they said they tried to reach me. I don' think so.

Anyhow I gave my account number, 2 weeks later I went to the office and they said person in charge not around. Her cell phone on the desk, nobody know where she went. I leave my message and until working hours finished, no calling back.

I am not sure if this facts are really that relevant. 

Character defects

I always feel it is my character defects that I feel down and depress easily, whenever little small bad things happened to me.

It affects my self value I think.

In this case I recalled I should have called to confirm the person in charge is around in advance. I shouldn't assume. That's my fault.

When I think carefully and honestly, it all bounds back to what I think and scare of others of think of my mistakes. Maybe they will be bad or think I am just indeed stupid.

I have to ask myself, are you dying? If the answer is negative what is the point to feel so bad about this. You think this is bad? More to come and those will be a lot worse, how do you survive them if you are that fragile. Worse is you are not even pretty so what now?

Unfinished business

Another character defect of mine would be my aggressiveness to finish something and thinking unless and until I finish them, there is no way for me to get a break. 

In real life things do not happen and deal with independently, they all come in a chaos and your job is to figure out the rhythm and flow with it.

I feel unfinished if I do not get my allowance and back to school. I need to focus on my studies and that mean I need to finish everything before hand.

How do people manage work, relationship, family and studies at the same time and still doing good. It is more than time management. Your attitude, your mindset matters.

In between my studies there will be unexpected or expected chaos. My mum's eyes, my dad's health. He has kidney, eyes, heart,urine,digestion all kind of problems. All the doctor appointments, date to collect medications and everything. Rentals, electric and water bills of those rentals.

Order and chaos isn't the opposite to one another, they coexist. 

Friendship goal

Christina and Grey's friendship in Grey's anatomy is kind of a friendship goal to me.

Although it is a little bit unrealistic. Stay together, work together, find someone like that in a work place isn't that easy.

Then you don't have to explain too much because she knows everyone you know. Know mostly everything you know, if you don't know then she will tell you.

Her suffering make you feel grateful that you don't have the same problem. Your suffering make you feel better because you still have her.


Exit route 

There are few quotes is good for you because it designed to suit your weaknesses.

1.If something is really important, you will find a way. If not you will find excuses.
2.You have to think you are in control of your emotions and feelings. People only make you feel what you allow them to.
3.Nothing defines you.
4.It is never about what people will think of you. Don't live there.
5.You don't need anyone to like you.If they don't stand still and know what you are doing to gain their respect.
6.A tree never feel sad of winter or happy of autumn. Everything meant to happen just will.


Bright side

Once in awhile you have to try think in a bright side. If I never put myself out there for an attachment, there won't be any allowance problem for me to solve. I will lose the one month experience.

Be it scary like hell CLP is to me and everyone, you won't be scare in the first place if you don't have the chance to do it.

The reason you are still feeling pain is because you are alive.

The fear of failure is because you know you still have chance to succeed. You might chose to do something even you think it is impossible to achieve, and you fear such failure. But then risk is good because you still have chance.

Being able to take risk is virtue. You still don't have it yet.

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