Always better

I should have join a sleeping competition and I will win that without any efforts. I am naturally born a superb sleeper.

If ever there is someone that could die on earth for less than 9 hours sleep per day, it would undeniably be me.

My 530 am wake up plan still hasn't work out, as I will eventually turned off the alarm unconsciously and fall right back to sleep the moment my ass touches the bed. My body has been programmed to such a manner.

What is challenging about updating my blog everything:-

  • Take some persistency to do it for long term
  • Hard to avoid repeating the same content every here and there
I like the idea that this blog still exist. The contents written by me from when I was 17 years old right after SPM still exist. Regardless how nonsense and bullshit they're.

I wish I kept a copy of this messy mind since I was a primary school. I wish I recorded my instant feelings dealing with High school drama and struggles for me to review now.

Thus I can see the things that changes as well as those unchanged along these years. I still say the same things when I read back some of my old posts. While some I just feel a little surprise I ever said that.

In between time I got slacked and rarely update my blog, in the name of focusing in my studies. Sometimes I just don't see a point keep updating it. One of the reason would be lack of readers.

Actually you will be your most loyal reader, this is about your growth. If my writing help someone, anyone, it would be really good. Otherwise I am always grateful I have this habit. I don't want to say the ability to write since I believe any literate person 'can write', but the willingness and compulsion to write instead.

How about my studies yesterday? I could have push harder.

That pretty much sums up my life. I could have done better, try harder, fight more fiercely. 

Have I ask too much of myself, that I am being too harsh to myself? Or this should really be how things are, strike for better and never aim low? No, you should try hard enough when you do it, at the time you are doing it. When it's over, it's over and you tried. You need to accept yourself and be forgiving to yourself. You did well, you fought. Nobody else will do it to for you.

Why I need so much for myself to be a Slytherin, I think it is the pride and I need that armour to protect my weaknesses.

Just like any ordinary days, my family especially my mum will starts telling me things. Like I don't have much friends and the whole family find it a negative review on me. Such as I can't cook and the future husband will despise it, it will makes her a bad mother.

The rather ironic point would be me thinking, hmm a husband, I never plan that. You need to stop saying you see through all my shit, you don't even 'see' that I will never want a 'husband'.

Okay, never say never, you win.

Tell people to fuck off isn't mean or rude, when someone is trying to cross boundaries and mess up with my thoughts and lifestyle decisions. No, it is bravery of some sort.

Slytherin would be the least judging people by knowing how it is to feel by shallow judgements being made against.

The only reason left for me to not say fuck off right in front of your face would be:-
I am better than this. I am better than you are, you were and you would ever be.


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