I don't want to live without

Hi, I almost didn't want to update my blog today.

Feeling a little bit of what's the point? I mean this blog will always be mine, with not much viewers. It is what I wanted at first isn't it? The privacy, guess my heart change without prior notice as well.

Anyway I dislike my lazy sleepy attitude as I failed to wake up early to work out today AGAIN. This morning I went to get my first genuine ADIDAS running shoes.

My previous shoes was genuine NIKE, I hope, from my aunt in America. I didn't like the colour and etc. My adverse favorite colour: Pink. Do not look the gift horse in the mouth.

It's black and white and I think it is cool and love it.

Hoping this evening would be a cozy one, I mean the weather. Freaking hate Malaysia's weather, so damn HOT. I am so over it but not leaving in any second yet.

Previously when before I got LPQB approval that I am even darker than now, my ex lecturer McD saw my fb status of: Why can't this blue just go away?Then he private message me, to ask if I am okay.

We do get along all right most of the time. He just is way too cliche and I am a definite more liberal person. He is a way more family person than I am. I wonder if he figures out I am a lesbian would things change.

He likes to say I am looking forward to see the man you will choose to spend the rest of your life with. At that time, A level time back then I think deep down me sort of know- yeap, I don't think it will be a guy but thanks for your concern. Definitely you will be surprise.

If he hates me one day when this truth was reveal, I am okay. He is not a bad person anyhow, if he hates me then, I will still choose to remember the good part of him.

I should work out more. I know I always say that. Our human nature isn't build to sit in the office and complete works on desk. I agree with that. I do have this compulsion to break something or even hit someone, literally got into a fight,[ despite knowing my chances of wining is so slim] some point in my life.

The first korean movie I actually like quite much enough in my life. I do know these romances are dramatic, it is a drama. I mean it is not very realistic. I use this trick to get away my addiction from television show series or movies.

THEY ARE NOT REAL!THEY ARE MADE TO SATISFY OUR COMMON DESIRES THAT ARE UNLIKELY TO BE FULFILL IN REALITY!

Nevertheless I would have appreciate all this hard work and creative production. I can't survive a day myself without surrounded by arts. I don't want to.

When a horror movie scares me for a little, which is quite unlikely. When that happen I just have to think of the off scene of the movie, what would it looks like. That's all I need to be so tough and at times I just laugh in the cinema watching horror movies. They do not get to me so much.

I did consider of the advantages of getting fame, rich and money come along with fame most of the time. I love that part and I never quite know how does it feels like to be rich and famous.

I don't think I mind trying that. I just don't know how to achieve that yet. If I eventually become a lawyer I might be so called famous with something. Hopefully not my clumsiness screwing any case. I might be a very good lawyer in certain area? That also consider famous? I don't know, whatever.

Be good, be great, be excellent. Most importantly be you are.

The lies I tell to myself are the most deceiving. I should spend the rest of my life fighting against my fear and vulnerability but I shall never give in.

I would always give it at times. Just remember those are the time you should really get back on, it makes you better and stronger eventually.

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