I don't want to live without

Hi, I almost didn't want to update my blog today.

Feeling a little bit of what's the point? I mean this blog will always be mine, with not much viewers. It is what I wanted at first isn't it? The privacy, guess my heart change without prior notice as well.

Anyway I dislike my lazy sleepy attitude as I failed to wake up early to work out today AGAIN. This morning I went to get my first genuine ADIDAS running shoes.

My previous shoes was genuine NIKE, I hope, from my aunt in America. I didn't like the colour and etc. My adverse favorite colour: Pink. Do not look the gift horse in the mouth.

It's black and white and I think it is cool and love it.

Hoping this evening would be a cozy one, I mean the weather. Freaking hate Malaysia's weather, so damn HOT. I am so over it but not leaving in any second yet.

Previously when before I got LPQB approval that I am even darker than now, my ex lecturer McD saw my fb status of: Why can't this blue just go away?Then he private message me, to ask if I am okay.

We do get along all right most of the time. He just is way too cliche and I am a definite more liberal person. He is a way more family person than I am. I wonder if he figures out I am a lesbian would things change.

He likes to say I am looking forward to see the man you will choose to spend the rest of your life with. At that time, A level time back then I think deep down me sort of know- yeap, I don't think it will be a guy but thanks for your concern. Definitely you will be surprise.

If he hates me one day when this truth was reveal, I am okay. He is not a bad person anyhow, if he hates me then, I will still choose to remember the good part of him.

I should work out more. I know I always say that. Our human nature isn't build to sit in the office and complete works on desk. I agree with that. I do have this compulsion to break something or even hit someone, literally got into a fight,[ despite knowing my chances of wining is so slim] some point in my life.

The first korean movie I actually like quite much enough in my life. I do know these romances are dramatic, it is a drama. I mean it is not very realistic. I use this trick to get away my addiction from television show series or movies.


Nevertheless I would have appreciate all this hard work and creative production. I can't survive a day myself without surrounded by arts. I don't want to.

When a horror movie scares me for a little, which is quite unlikely. When that happen I just have to think of the off scene of the movie, what would it looks like. That's all I need to be so tough and at times I just laugh in the cinema watching horror movies. They do not get to me so much.

I did consider of the advantages of getting fame, rich and money come along with fame most of the time. I love that part and I never quite know how does it feels like to be rich and famous.

I don't think I mind trying that. I just don't know how to achieve that yet. If I eventually become a lawyer I might be so called famous with something. Hopefully not my clumsiness screwing any case. I might be a very good lawyer in certain area? That also consider famous? I don't know, whatever.

Be good, be great, be excellent. Most importantly be you are.

The lies I tell to myself are the most deceiving. I should spend the rest of my life fighting against my fear and vulnerability but I shall never give in.

I would always give it at times. Just remember those are the time you should really get back on, it makes you better and stronger eventually.


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