Just don't invite me to the party

I do not feel good. My Bar exam result is out. I didn't fail or pass.

I got conditional pass. By 17/11/17 I will have to resit for my criminal procedure paper. If I pass, I am safe. Otherwise the 4 papers I passed in the first exam consider wasted.

I will have to redo everything and 2 more attempts before I get bar from this exam for the rest of my life.

I fought hard, very hard for this exam. I expect too much from the universe, a friend told me so.

Yes, that could be my problem. I believe so much in hard work, justice and sincerity. These things failed me uncountable times.

I feel like shit if I couldn't pass it the first time, what makes me capable of passing it the second time? Especially when my answers and those passed after my inquiry is just pretty much the same.

Something surely happen along the process that render different results.

Something, always something unforeseeable and mystery that could never be solve.

It makes me wonder in the thing we called fate. It gives me more questions unanswered.

Maybe you are good, but not good enough. This world is all about competition. Nobody is meant to babysit you anyway.

So the whole what is meant to be yours will remain yours is a total lies I believe in for the rest of my life.

I feel frustrated. If without hope, what else do I count on with?

I didn't fully give up, I study I memorize and try to make it works. Only that I knew I already did all I can the first time. And I have to keep kick out the thoughts of those inferior than me pass it all.

Yes, you would say maybe they are better than you think they are. I don't want to argue, but I know what I know and you can't convince me.

I wish I can convince myself that way.

To be honest I hate all these. I am not very happy for everyone. Just good for you but don't invite me to your party. I am not that good of a person.

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