If there is an end to this

At this very moment I am thinking of would starving eventually kill me. It is painful because you will want to eat. Most method of suicide is painful. If you didn’t die, it is a crime to try to kill yourself.

I said to God, if this life is your gift, I ask you to take it back. I want to say how you take it back. I just want things to end.

Maybe I do not want my body to heal, that is why it takes so long for me to recover.

What to do with life? My sister told me, you do not lack anything. I am tired. If it is this job that I hate, I could have resign and leave. Then look at my life staying with my parents and listen to everything they have to say. I do not want to deal with that anymore.

You can move out and start a new life. Everyone and everything are so judgemental. Even my own parents are.

You have friends that care for you. I want to feel what is it like to give up everything, to stop being care. What is right and what is wrong, all are bullshit.

You do not need people to like you and they should shut up.

If I ever tell my parents about how I feel, I know they will say I never know suffering. In a way suffering prove existence. What am I if I do not feel it at all.

I like to keep everything in distant, I know it is hard to understand. No matter what you do or say, there is always expectations and judgement against you.

That is a true problem you should solve here, resign or not. I wish to resign and take a break before I join a firm but my life will be miserable cause I am staying with my parents. I do not know how long I can deal with it. I do not have the financial ability to move out yet.


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