Seek me & you shall find

This might be the rather decent writing I have, since months I think.

If nothing went seriously wrong, this gonna be a serious self talk writing than the mere buff I have been having for some time now.

It is strange how disappointing I feel given I always imagine I am having conversation with someone by writing all my posts, then realizing nobody is actually reading them. It feels a bit like self hypocritical act I commit to myself.

Somehow I can reason it as me talking to my current self and future self. I am doing this for you, not solely you. it can be to more people; it is just you for now. You are special and you deserve this. Nobody can do this for you. I believe the future me, might or might not thank me for this. However this is something money and nothing can be brought to exchange for.

It is me talking to you. I do not know you. Sometimes I feel like I can see the vague shape of you but it fades away too quick. I could hardly take a breathe and still see you there. Every minute you are changing, it is a good sign that you could be the most unpredictable person a live. I mean even me can understand you, and I am you. We live in different time and space now but I am still you, at least a part of me will shape the future you. I know I promise that I will never give up on you or forsake you.

For this article, at first I wanted to dissect it to a few parts. One article would be about family then another would be something else that is still wandering around my mind.

Just a bit off topic here, I have to say that there are times I left things here after my expression of feelings and emotions then someone might accidentally pick it up without me knowing. It could be a strange feeling, someone you didn't aware of could be reading your deep thoughts and feelings. They won't leave you a comment or something, until many years later they told you they knew something. You recalled you never share it with anyone, then they told you I have read your blog.

It scares me sometimes. There are times I wanted privacy so much I wanted to restrict this blog to be view-able solely by the writer. Soon I will change my mind. There is some conflict there.

I still wanted to leave a tiny space which connects me to the world. I am not very accessible to the world, and I like it that way. Writing is like a window, not necessarily touchable but clearly there isn't complete isolation.

I wish to hide myself as a writer, but I also wish to be seek, I wish people would realized when I am gone and seek my writing rather than come find me and knock my door.

So, now I want to end it here and start a new post regarding the topic of family.


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