What is the point of life

I tendered my resignation last Friday. Many would surprise I did it without even secure a next job.

I do not like to say I am depress. I am not very sure what I am feeling. Parents side I have not much to worry about now.

Today is Sunday, when I think of next week is gonna be a long week to stay in my job is already bother me a bit. Yet it is gonna be over soon enough.

Then what? What is it about life?

I do not understand why the thought of I am gay is also bothering me. Yes, I do feel lonely and I want a girlfriend. But what? You can't force it. Since you are lost in life now, it is unfair to drag someone in to the mess. Besides you may not have the time and energy to start a relationship.

Who am I? What do I want with this life?

I feel uneasy not having to start hunting for a new job when I know this job is going to be the end. I do not have a plan now. My next step I might say I want to start in a law firm. But I am not very sure.

Life itself is inherently meaningless. I thought to myself, am I looking for too much in life that is why I am unhappy. I feel that I spend my life tolerating and fulfilling people expectations. I feel I never truly live cause I play it superb safe.

There is a loop I have to break. But what then?

I have a few things in mind, a dog,violin and thai muay. Nobody can help to take care of a dog and no place in my house for them. I can't have a dog because I can't abandon them later. My mum will want to do that soon. I do not want to go home one day and the dog is gone because my mum let it out. It is too painful.

Violin is totally random. I am not sure how long this desire would last. I thought I wanted to learn instrument since a kid but it is over, I wasn't allow to do that back then. Now, it is a great investment.

You need to have a violin and someone to teach you violin. Lessons cost money.

Thai muay seems more legit. Go a nearby place with affordable cost and start it. You have to do something you want for yourself. If not the depression could get worse.

I try to think in a way that life is about having fun so you find fun, do things make it fun. Safe and other people expectation all that is not so important.


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