Why can't you believe in yourself

Does it really matter if until the day you're dead, almost nobody find out about your blog? It never gets famous, it never affect much people, less than 5 of the world population.

Is it sad? Is it bad? Would you lost the interest to write?

I admit it is a defeating thought and fact.

Now I want you focus on the question. Why can't you believe in yourself? 

You may not want to start with this. It is going to be long mind battle. To keep compact, why should I believe in myself?

It is not like I am a scholarship holder or I did anything extraordinary in my life or contribute some unique stuff to the human kind.

I do not think many people ever highly value me. If ever I think they haven't know the real me. Or sooner later I am going to fail them fundamentally.

But this is never about anyone else. This is only about you. Do you like yourself? Do you like who you are?

You are talented. You belittle yourself unnecessarily. The world is not going to stop punching and smacking you, just because you are already being harsh to yourself.

Your academic achievement is something. Your hard work is something. You can write, not like expert level writer but you can. You are better than a lot of people. The point is not about defeating everyone but you can't denied you are still something, something which others are not.

You are comforting, you are a healer in some extent. You listen to people, you are understanding and non judgmental, at times you gave people hope and support. But if you wanna change things, you wanna be selfish, you are still worthwhile.

I am already so tired, when I write until here. I feel like I don't want to talk about it anymore, even if no one is listening. It is not a privacy thing. It is just that I feel that's enough, I can't go on anymore.

I am gonna be total frank about my feeling here. I feel that there is no point in talking about the possible virtues that I have. It is a cage for me. So this is me and if I don't preserve this traits good enough I lose it.

Personalities, sexuality, everything on this world is fluid and subject to changes. If  I need a reason to be worthwhile, I may as well never be worthwhile.

You have a point, there is always ways to defeat the point. There are so many perspectives to explain and continue your flow of thoughts. You do not need to go in there.

Be straight forward. If there is things you don't like about yourself, you can always change it. I know you are not a very persistent person. If you don't mind it bugs you all the same, it is still your choice how to live your life.

You have to be the one who values yourself, of every small achievements you made. Put others out of the equation.

You can either be right or wrong about something. If you do not believe in one thing, there is no point lying to yourself. You may not stay this way forever.

I may or may not be good. Fuck good really, you are excellent.


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